I am so excited to begin writing this series on my substack newsletter on things that children need. I remember when we had our firstborn daughter fifteen years ago. I remember holding her once we were put in a normal hospital room after the delivery and I just held her to my chest in awe. I was completely in love with her but I also was in shock. Now we had this little human to care for and I still felt like a child in some ways myself. How were we going to give her everything she needed and be everything she needed us to be? Those first few moments as a parent are so special and so momentous.
We learned as time went on of course how to love and nurture her and with each additional child we gained new insight into what they each needed individually. No handbook or class or advice could really help quite like actual mothering does. The days and weeks and years of loving them, correcting them, teaching them, walking with them through life really helps you understand in a deep and profound way what they really need from us as parents.
I hope to write on this topic frequently as I have a list made up of things I believe children need in order to be vibrant, happy, healthy children in a physical, emotional, and spiritual sense. The monumental task of raising children who love Yahweh and who love others and will contribute in a beautiful way to society and community around them is ours.
This task is ours and has been granted to you from the Father as He deemed you worthy of the gift.
“He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise Yah!” Psalm 113:9
The other day I was serving dinner and out of the blue my daughter said, “Mom, I love when you are happy! It makes all of us happier when you are happy. You are like the sun in a clear blue sky…your happiness lights us all up. But when you are in a bad mood…it’s like a dreary, rainy day in our house.” I laughed to myself as she is my dramatic, Anne of Green Gables-esque, fiery child who holds nothing back. Her heart is as big as the ocean.
But what she said was true as I’ve witnessed this phenomenon in our home.
When I am in a bad mood or even if my mind is caught up with something and I’m more serious in my demeanor…the entire atmosphere of our home changes. Everyone seems sullen. The children are at odds with each other over the smallest things. Even my husband is affected and will be more quiet and subdued.
But when I’m upbeat and joyful…everyone flourishes. Our home buzzes with smiles and songs and cheerful projects done with good attitudes. Everyone has tasks and chores and schoolwork to do but when I’m happy and encouraging them in their work…it all is done in a totally different way.
Isnt this fascinating?? You may be thinking, “How unfair!” And yes, ive had thoughts of that nature too. Can’t the mom just have a bad day? Do I always have to wear a smile? Is all of this squarely put on my shoulders? I’ll be honest, this is hard for me, as I’m an introvert and I’ve never been the bubbly mom type. Do you know what I mean? I can fake it but deep down if I’m faking it…I’d truly just like to be left alone with a book or a canvas to paint or a garden to putter around in until I come out of the funk. It’s also hard to snap out of a bad mood when you’re in one. And, of course, you CAN have a hard day. I think children need to understand that there will be days where mom is weak and is having a hard day or isn’t feeling herself.
But it should be a huge encouragement to us that the rudder of our home’s happiness and shalom rests on us. Our attitudes steer the ship. Yes, it’s an enormous responsibility but would we want it any other way? Would we want their little hearts to be that easily swayed by anyone else? Would we want their moods to be this affected by a teacher, or a friend, or a member of the opposite sex, or television, or games/sports. No! We should relish in the fact that for a given amount of time…their sun rises and sets with us, their mother. What a privilege! What an opportunity! Their hearts are like clay in our hands and when we cheerfully nurture them and lovingly attend to them, they will be at ease.
Have you ever seen a child not at ease? Whether at the grocery store or as you walk around town…if you see a child and they look unhappy…it’s because they are not at ease. Their spirits are dimmed and you can usually see it in their countenance. If this is the case…usually you can bet the mother or father or grandparent isn’t at ease either. There is a scowl on the mothers face. A harshness. A deep unhappiness. Only the Father knows the hardships each parent has been through or is going through. But in each situation you can observe the difference in a family’s countenance if you are apt to paying attention to what is going on around you.
I encourage you to accept the abundant probability/possiblity that your home’s happiness rests with you! If you don’t believe me, use it as an experiment. For one week set it in your mind to smile more at them. To laugh more with them. To pay attention to them. To dance in the living room or play light-heartedly with them. Let them see the joy that is in you and watch how it affects your home in the most beautiful of ways.
We have so much to be joyful for!